When I was growing up I lived across the street from a paper recycling factory.  People would leave old newspapers, magazines, text books, and comic books there for future reuse.  Somehow, by some strange miracle, some of those comic books would occasionally make themselves over the 6 foot fence of the factory and into the hands of us eager children.  (Funny that same miracle didn’t seem to deposit the old discarded newspapers or text books into our hands.)  I always liked Spider-Man the best. Let’s face it. He has the coolest outfit and the catchiest theme song of any super hero.  Also, he’s the epitome of the anti-hero.  Look at how he is treated by the cops for example.  He is often shot at and pursued and blamed for actually causing the crimes he fights.  Batman is different.  The cops love him.  Gotham city practically has Batman on its payroll.

At any rate, this is how my personal love of comic books was fueled – by several anonymous acts of larceny or charity.  Me and my younger brother excitedly watched Spider-Man and other animated super heroes on TV as well as the live-action, campy (though I had no idea at the time that it was meant to be that) Batman.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not like that comic book guy from The Simpsons.  I have a certain nostalgic fondness for comic books not an obsession.  I feel protective of my three-dimensionally challenged champions.  I am therefore concerned about Disney’s recent buyout of Marvel Comics.  How will it change my favorite super heroes?  I am going to be very upset if the proposed ideas for the next super hero movies I’ve heard turn out to be true.  I obtained a copy somewhere on line of some ideas for movies that are being thrown around.  It does not look good people.

Spider-Man’s next adventure is rumored to be babysitting his precocious 10 year-old niece and her pet chow mix, Chipper.  (Abigail Breslin is slated to play the little girl.  Since Breslin is 13 years-old, she is rumored to be smoking cigars in order to stunt her growth.  It’s a method acting thing.  Remember Deniro’s weight gain for Raging Bull?)  Spidey and his niece turn out to have a wacky adventure when the pooch gets lost in midtown Manhattan.

Iron Man 2 is rumored to take place as Tony Stark meets a kindly man named Cratchit and his miserly boss Scrooge McDuck.  Tony, using his abilities as Iron Man, helps Cratchit by flying McDuck around and showing him past, present and future Christmas.  In this way, McDuck learns the meaning of the holidays.  (I don’t understand why even a cartoon duck can’t fly by himself but oh well.)

In the next Daredevil installment Matt Murdock, aka Daredevil, meets an attractive, young, single mother of three rambunctious boys.  After Matt agrees to take the boys on a camping trip, the boys pull all manner of trick on him like hiding his cane (Murdock is blind of course) and putting night crawlers in his underwear.  Eventually, after returning a lost baby rabbit to its mother, the boys learn a lesson in self-respect.  

Finally, in the next X-Men movie, Goofy is exposed to radiation from a meteor and becomes super intelligent.  He then is sought out by Wolverine and asked to replace Dr. Xavier.  The two recruit Disney characters to replace the X-Men killed off in X-Men: The Last Stand.  I for one hope these synopses are mere rumors and that these movies do not come to pass but you never know.   If these movies do come about then this Disney/Marvel thing will be the worst media buyout ever.